First Impressions
Variations on a Theme
Cowboy Come Closer
In Texas, handshakes are super important. Doesn’t matter who you are, or where your hand just was. You shake. You shake long and hard. Now that I’m older, and I don’t live there anymore, I still find myself reaching for that firm handshake every chance that I get. Sometimes I misjudge, and grip way too hard. Sometimes the other person tries to pull away, but my hand keeps them locked in place. I pull them closer. I pull their face close to my face. I make firm eye contact. I press my lips and kiss them.
Thank you, Texas.
Lascaux Bum Stuff
You gotta know that the second (the second!) I discover some clay I’m putting my butt all up on that. Immediately. These cheeks are going on every bowl, pot, plate, and bust. While my buddies (my buddies!) are painting dear and eating berries IIIIII’m over near the entrance laying glute on that sweet squishy soil. It’s not a sex thing (no!). Can you just imagine with me, how it would feel? Because look, I’m not putting my but in the cool spring stream, for we drink out of that. I’m not putting my butt in the air, for it is not as cool and I am practically begging for a Graptherytryx to take a chomp. No. All that’s left for me is the slab of clay and the courage to say yes to life.
Say “yes”!
Sound and the Fury
Nobody one really knows what I actually sound like, me included. When I was little I would get teased for having a nasally voice, so when I was a little older I started trying to sound deeper. But then it just sounded even higher when my concentration broke.
Hello is this Zivan
Yes this is he >,__,<
We’re calling to inform you that you have been chosen for a private screening of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two
Oh my gowd! Naur way!
Sorry, nevermind. These tickets are for kids that sound thirty. Goodbye.
Does A Bear…Oh Shit!
Do you think a bear ever comes away from an interaction thinking: “I really messed that up?”. Bears can’t speak, but I can almost hear them say “you too” when I tell them to enjoy their meal (me!). That’s cringe, but not as cringe as the fact that I only ever think “yikes” when I see them for the first time. Is there anything a bear could do that would make me not freak out? Bears shit in the woods and I shit my pants when I see them. Ain’t no way me and a bear are getting past a first name basis. Sorry Yogi,
please go home!